


I get blue with a little help from my friends

by coulsons-hawk (allyoop)



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Cheeky Bants with the Lads, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Hair Dyeing, Hazing, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Short & Sweet, Young Harry Hart, Young Merlin (Kingsman), bad british slang sorry!, if you're looking for that, just lads being lads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24853132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allyoop/pseuds/coulsons-hawk
Summary: There’s a rather inelegant ritual that every new Kingsman has to go through. The older recruits always speak about it in hushed tones paired with wide grins, as if it was a secret sordid history they mustn't share aloud. But in all reality, they were the ones that started it, not some forefathers years ago.
Relationships: Harry Hart | Galahad/Merlin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	I get blue with a little help from my friends

There’s a rather inelegant ritual that every new Kingsman has to go through. The older recruits always speak about it in hushed tones paired with wide grins, as if it was a secret sordid history they mustn't share aloud. But in all reality, they were the ones that started it, not some forefathers years ago. 

It began with James. That posh accent and the affinity for only the _good_ liquor made him an easy target. They all loved him, sure. He was easy to get along with, first to laugh and first to buy everyone a round at the bar. But his near obsession with a perfectly groomed visage was asking for something to to be done to it. Harry would like to take the credit (no one would begrudge him seeking revenge, especially since James had started the silly rumor that he was late to briefings because he had to wank to ‘clear his head’ before meetings). But it was Merlin who dropped the idea into conversation. 

After a particularly stressful and dragged out mission, they finally reached their escape plane and piled in, blissfully happy to be strapped in comfy seats and on their way home. Lee took the wheel, being the best pilot of the bunch, with Caradoc sitting up front to copilot. Harry dumped his tac jacket rather unceremoniously on the floor before settling in with his feet kicked up in one of the chairs. Merlin grabbed a handful of beers from who knows where he hides them and tossed one at Harry before walking towards James to hand him one. 

“Gareth I swear-” James was knocking loudly on the washroom door. “I’m going to petition to have your named changed to Ywain the Bastard if you don’t hurry it up in there.”

Merlin handed him a beer with a chuckle. “What’s the rush, Lancelot? Need to check that your hair hasn’t suddenly turned blue?”

James just rolled his eyes and took the beer thankfully. “Gareth clearly shouldn’t have eaten the food at the banquet ‘just to keep up appearances’. Who knows what was in that sad attempt at fine dining.”

There were chuckles all around at the expense of poor, groaning Gareth but Harry smiled for a different reason. He had a brilliant idea.

As per usual, Merlin thought it was terrible.

“That is a terrible idea Harry.” He crossed his arms, but there was a twinkle in his eyes. “Logistics of sneaking into his house aside, what would Arthur think? How would Lancelot be able to do any missions when he’s hair makes him look like a rejected Sex Pistol?”

“See, that’s where you come in, Merl. We probably need to invent a dye that’s undetectable in shampoo but also won’t stain so long that he can’t continue working. But it still absolutely has to be the brightest blue.”

Harry could tell he caught Merlin's attention; the man couldn’t resist a challenge. 

“Yes, well even a normal semi-permanent would… but if you added more of the alkaline agent you might be able to..” Merlin stopped himself mid sentence. “Oh Harry you bastard. Trying to woo me with science problems.”

Harry just grinned, waiting to hear the eventual-

“Fine, yes. I’ll help you. It’ll be a riot to see James with blue hair. How could I possibly deny Kingsman the chance at that laugh?”

And oh, was it worth it. When James came stomping into the briefing room, Harry was already seated (much to everyone’s surprise) having made it there as early as possible. James looked around the room, the glint of murder in his gaze, sizing up who the culprits could be. It was hard to ignore his hair. Still wet, with little droplets falling to his shoulders, the once honey brown was now bright blue. Parts were faded, like a well-washed denim (Harry could predict that James already tried to wash it over and over) but it was still undeniably _blue_. 

His eyes lighted on Harry, who was barely attempting to smuggle his grin.

“ _You_ ”

Harry slipped into a perfectly innocent look even with James storming towards where he sat.

“Lancelot!”

Everyone stopped breathing; they had almost forgotten why they were there. Arthur had just settled in at the head of the table and he was glancing at the thunderstorm that was James with an air of disapproval. “Please take a seat so we can begin our meeting on time.”

The bright flush across his cheeks and ears somehow accentuated that blueberry hair. And if Harry smile a little wider, well, no one could shame him for that.

He could feel Merlin’s stare before he even met his eyes. Harry almost lost any modicum of composure when he saw Merlin’s face. He looked absolutely chuffed, proud even, at this turn of events. With one eyebrow popped up he mouthed at Harry “ _That was easy._ ”

“ _I never doubted you, you mad genius_ ” Harry mouthed back. 

The briefing was business as usual. Missions were doled off, rules were emphasized, Kingsmen departed the table with a new purpose for the day. But this time, the once suave Lancelot was called back, Arthur crooking a finger and gesturing for him to stay behind. The way all the colour drained from his face almost made Harry feel bad, _almost_. He hovered outside the door, foot tapping with a drum solo of impatience as he waited for whatever news from James. Merlin had turned back when he noticed the lack of the usual Harry presence at his side, and leaned on the wall next to him. 

“Must you?” 

“What’s that Merlin?”

He gestured at his feet. “Must you keep tapping like that? I feel like I’ve entered a terrible rendition of The Tell Tale Heart”

“Ah, sorry.” Harry tried to stop his fidgeting, but his nerves were still itching. He shifted back and forth instead. “You think we-”

“ _Harry_.” The look in Merlin’s eyes shut him up. He was clearly looking just as pained and full of regrets as Harry. It was only supposed to be a harmless prank…

Their inner monologues were interrupted with James bounding out of the room with a renewed vigor to his step. When he spotted Merlin and Harry, he froze.

“Hell hath no fury like a Kingsman scorned.”

“James, _really_. Merlin and I only meant to-”

James just jabbed a finger at both of them. “I’m coming like a storm to rain revenge on you when you least expect it.”

“Are you…” Merlin looked worried. “Did Arthur _fire_ you? Are you still a Kingsman? We honestly didn’t mean to-”

He laughed loudly at that, surprised. The icy mood dissipated. “You’re both bloody lucky I’m not shooed out. Otherwise I’d be coming to get your bits and bobs in the middle of the night. No, no. Arthur understood my woeful story and said it was a lucky stroke: just when he needed an undercover agent for a disco raid, me and my blue hair arrived.”

“A _disco_? That’s superb. Do you think you will need a second?”

James narrowed his eyes. “I know you love your glitter jumpsuits Harry but no thank you, I don’t need the traitor who ruined my hair anywhere near me on this mission.”

“Well, technically-”

Merlin smacked his bicep. “Leave me out of this.”

“But without you, we would have never-”

“Harry Hart, if you hadn’t challenged me, hadn’t wound me up exactly like you did, I would have never-”

“Oh are you blaming me for how easy you are? Not my fault you can’t say no to me or a good dare-”

James sighed with an exaggerated emphasis and they stopped bickering to glance back at him.

“An eye for an eye, my friends. When you least expect it.” He strolled off then, his usual flair for the dramatic punctuating his steps. “Beware the revenge of a patient man!” He called out as he rounded the corner of the hall.

Harry leaned back against the wall, too amused to really fear any weight in James’ words. “Well shit, Merlin.”

“Oh, fuck you.” He rolled his eyes, no real menace in his words. “If James is serious, neither of our hair is safe.”

“And that’s just figuring he does the exact same. A bit obvious, that. Real revenge might be putting the dye in lotion. Can you imagine?”

“Well your dick would be a rainbow then, wouldn’t it?” He gave Harry a deadpan look but his eyes were bright with mirth. 

Harry clapped him on the shoulder. “Well then, we better get to locking all our toiletries before James gets his vengeful hands on them, right Merlin?”

He followed Harry down the hall, assuming his familiar flanking position at his side. “What have you gotten us into this time, Harry?”

“Only the very best of fun, Merlin. my friend.”

* * *

Harry was late to the next week's group debriefing. Well he wasn't _on time_ , just skirting in as the clock struck the hour. There was no reason for him to be early today, and rather all the reason to stay out of James' way until he couldn't avoid it any longer.

So when he entered he was the last to see the results of his boyish prank.

Merlin. Completely bald. No hair on his head and the faintest sheen of flamingo-pink across his skin.

Harry froze, gawping more than he'd like to admit, before sitting down and trying to pay attention to a not-so-patient Arthur.

" _James?!_ " Harry mouthed at Merlin.

Merlin smiled, his grin seemingly wider and brighter now that it wasn't competing with his once glorious hair. " _I shaved it myself. He tried to dye me pink._ "

" _Shame. Pink would have looked fetching on you._ "

Merlin winked and tilted his heads towards James a few seats over from them. He was clutching his pen with far too much strength than required.

" _This won't be the end, you know._ " Harry mouthed.

" _I have some...ideas if he tries again._ "

" _Merlin, you genius._ "

" _I know._ "

And thus began the greatest secret war in the Kingsman; friend turned against friend, pranks escalating into madness, and a new tradition to welcome each new recruit (although they were running out of new colors to try.)

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written June 2015, on my tumblr. I'm cross-posting (finally!) to ao3 haha.
> 
> Thanks for reading my ridiculousness <3


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